


if the night is burning

by swarmsoflizards



Series: if the night is burning & epilogue [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Declarations Of Love, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Dragon Age Quest: In Hushed Whispers, F/M, Female Character of Color, Kink Meme, Vaginal Sex, emotional whiplash, just stone cold angst up in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:20:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarmsoflizards/pseuds/swarmsoflizards
Summary: Originally posted to the Dragon Age Kink Meme.Dhava didn’t know what she expected when she was spat out of the rift, but it certainly wasn’t this. She staggered back and hit a stone wall. The sky was…The sky was torn apart.If we don’t stop it, the breach will grow until it swallows the world,she remembered Cassandra saying to her at the beginning of all of this. It roiled and spasmed and lightning struck, and Dhava thought,it has.Lavellan and Dorian find the Commander in the dark future.





	if the night is burning

**Author's Note:**

> "hey mac you haven't posted anything in like a year. have you been working on this the whole time?"  
> "...... yeah. that's it."
> 
> title from _i see fire_ by ed sheeran. _and if the night is burning i will cover my eyes / for if the night returns then my brothers will die_

Dhava didn’t know what she expected when she was spat out of the rift, but it certainly wasn’t this. She staggered back and hit a stone wall. The sky was…

The sky was torn apart. _If we don’t stop it, the breach will grow until it swallows the world,_ she remembered Cassandra saying to her at the beginning of all of this. It roiled and spasmed and lightning struck, and Dhava thought, _it has._

“Oh, _shit,”_ she heard from her side, and she remembered Dorian.

“What happened?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

“Alexius’ amulet. Time magic. And this obviously isn’t the past, so we must be in the future. _Vishante kaffas,_ Alexius, what have you done?” Dorian looked as if he might punch something if there were anything around to punch. “We need to get out of here. We can’t get back into the castle. We’ve already established that it’s impregnable under the best of circumstances, and these--” he gestured wildly around himself “--are hardly those. We must go.”

Dhava picked up her staff from where she dropped it. Dorian was right, but where could they go? She scanned the horizon, but beneath the shadows cast by the churning sky it looked nearly identical in every direction. “Do you think the village proper is still standing?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Dorian replied, and grabbed her hand.

\- - -

The village proper was not still standing.

Dorian and Dhava ran unimpeded through the rubble that used to be Redcliffe Village, through the gate, and across the countryside. Apart from the sickening sounds of the sky thundering above them, it was disturbingly quiet; no nugs stirred the grass and no ravens called. The Crossroads, bustling with refugees and Inquisition soldiers the last time Dhava had been there, was desolate, all scorched earth bathed in sickly green light.

As they neared the footpath winding up to Lake Luthias, Dhava heard the telltale crack of a rift activating ahead of them. She shouted a warning to Dorian as she swung her staff around, stopping as she spotted the rift behind a copse of trees. She took out the first wraith she saw with a series of frost spells in quick succession, then turned her attention to the rage demon lurching forward. A barrier sprung up around her courtesy of Dorian, and she planted an ice mine in the demon’s path as she readied herself to face it head-on.

As Dorian focused his attentions on a despair demon keeping itself maddeningly out of reach, Dhava waited for the rage demon to blunder into her mine. When it happened she let loose everything she had, frost exploding into the air. She finally shattered the thing like glass with a wide arc, then spun around to seal the rift before anything else could come through.

Dhava fumbled as she straightened, waving off a steadying hand from Dorian. “I'm fine,” she said. “We need to find somewhere to hole up.”

“Yes, well, do you have any ideas? Because if you’ll recall, I've never been here before in my life, so.”

“Shut up, let me think.” Dhava leaned against a tree, rubbing her forehead. “There’s the old apostate camp in Witchwood. There's Valammar. There's the Templar encampment up in the cliffs. There's the farms, but I'm sure they've all gone to shit, and it would be easy to notice anyone living there… Fuck. Valammar it is. Come on.”

Dorian followed close behind her on the footpath to Lake Luthias. Dhava let her memory guide her around the lake and to the passage under the waterfall. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” came Dorian’s voice behind her.

“Of course not, but do you know anywhere better? We’ll have a roof over our heads, and the damn ‘Elder One’ might not know it exists. It's the only place around here with those sorts of qualifications.”

“Lead the way, then.”

Dhava picked her way carefully on the descent. She hadn't lied to Dorian; she _was_ confidant in Valammar- they could handle a few darkspawn, and as far as she knew, the place was still mostly secret- but there was no harm in being careful.

They rounded the turn to the passage behind the waterfall. Not even this little piece of nature was untouched by the ravages of the Elder One, it seemed. Dhava swore there had been a royal elfroot plant around here somewhere, but now everything was dry and run through with veins of red. She looked away. The gate to Valammar was open; thank the Creators for whatever scout had forgotten to lock it.

They hurried through the passage, Dhava in the lead. The whole time, she prayed that Valammar would be safe.

“Halt!”

They froze.

“I thought you said this place was _secret!_ ” Dorian hissed.

“ _It was!”_

“Drop your weapon and walk around the corner!”

Dhava gestured for Dorian to stay behind. He nodded.

“Alright, I'll disarm.” She leaned her staff against the wall. “I'm walking forward.” Dhava slowly rounded the final turn in the passage, arms forward in a sort of _see? I really am unarmed_ gesture. After all, they had no idea she was a mage.

When Dhava walked into the light, she stopped.

The man before her was vaguely familiar, a human in tattered Inquisition armor. His sword was pointed at her.

“Easy now,” she said. “I was just looking for somewhere to spend the night. I thought Valammar would be empty.”

“I see through your lies, _demon!_ Commander!” he yelled. “Come quick!”

Demon? Wait. If this guy wasn't just some random survivor hiding in a cave, then-

“What is it?” called a voice from across the bridge, and Dhava swore her heart stopped.

“I- see for yourself, sir. I'm not sure how to describe it.”

Dhava watched Cullen walk across the bridge, and knew the exact moment that he recognized her.

“I can explain,” she said, as soon as he was within range.

“How?” he replied coolly.

“You weren't at Redcliffe, but you must have read the reports. Alexius hurled me and Dorian through a sort of rift. It was time magic. We got spit out outside the castle not half an hour ago. Dorian,” she added over her shoulder, “come out.”

Dhava watched both of them tense as Dorian appeared behind her. “Fancy meeting you here,” he said, and Dhava elbowed him in the ribs.

“Can someone tell me what is going on now?” she asked.

Cullen hesitated. “Prove it. Prove you're the Herald, and we’ll talk.”

Dhava nodded. “There was a rift outside, down the hill. I closed it.” She reached out her left arm and wiggled her fingers, and the mark sparked.

“Jim, find another scout and see if she’s telling the truth.” The scout saluted and ran off. “You two are coming with me.”

\- - -

Dhava remembered this room from her first excursion into Valammar. It was one of the rooms further down, empty but for a few bookcases and a heavy table. A few chairs had been dragged in, clearly out of place.

Cullen wouldn't look at her. He just sat in his chair, staring at the door, studiously ignoring her and Dorian.

Dhava used this opportunity to study him. First were the most obvious differences- whatever he was doing to his hair before apparently wasn't worth the effort anymore, as it was nearly as curly as her own. He hadn't shaved in a while, there was a new scar across his cheek, he had lost weight. Then came the less noticeable things: the heavy purple bags under his eyes, the way he hunched over in his chair. His hands, even where they rested in his lap, trembled. His cheeks were sunken and there was something in his eyes that wasn't there before, a sort of heaviness. This was a man who had the weight of the world resting on his shoulders.

Dhava thought she might have cried if she had the energy. As it was, she just stared.

“Please stop staring at me,” Cullen murmured, so soft Dhava might have thought she imagined it had he not also turned her way. Their eyes met, and he flinched away.

“What happened, Cullen?”

“You were gone, Dhava. We didn't even have a body to burn.” He stared down at his hands. “We- everyone with you was captured except for a few scouts. We attacked, we lay siege three times. This is all that's left.”

“This is it?” she whispered. “But- Cassandra, Leliana…”

“I don't know what became of them. They disappeared inside the castle.” His voice was monotone. Empty.

Dhava thought she might be sick. “This is my fault.”

“No-” Cullen started, then chuckled mirthlessly. “You're so convincing. The real Dhava is dead. You're just an imposter.”

“Cullen, please. You _know_ me. What about this?” She reached into her robes and pulled out her necklace. “I showed you this, just last- well, it was last week for me.” It was a ring, hanging from a thin silver chain. “I told you it was my mother’s, the only thing I have of hers. She gave it to me when I left.”

“That was over a year ago.”

“For you, yes. But you see?” She stood up and held it out to him. “It's still clean. That scratch was there when I woke up with the mark. Did I tell you what it says?”

“No.”

“ _Lasan ara'sal, sule ha'lam'sal'shiral._ Josephine told me that humans exchange rings when they bond, yes? It’s like that. It means, ‘I give you my soul, until the end of life’s journey.’ My father gave it to my mother.”

Cullen looked like he was going to say something, but was interrupted by a pounding at the door. “Sir!”

It took him a moment to respond. “Enter.”

The scout from before came in. “It checks out, sir. The rift is gone.”

“Thank you. That will be all for now.” The scout saluted and left, closing the door behind him.

This time, when Cullen turned to her, the mask of indifference was gone. “Dhava. It's really you?”

“Yes.”

The next thing she knew she was in his arms. They were wrapped around her and Cullen had buried his face in her hair. He whispered her name over and over. Dhava hugged him close to her, desperate to give any comfort she could to this tortured version of her friend. After a moment, she realized that he was crying. Then as briefly as it had begun it was over. Cullen stepped back from their embrace, and they both simultaneously remembered Dorian.

He was still perched in his chair, chin resting on his hand, bored expression on his face. “Don't mind me,” he said when they both turned to look at him. “Keep on with that. It's not like we’re still trapped in the Void or anything.”

“He’s right. I need to talk to the troops,” Cullen said, even as he made no indication of moving.

“We’ll come with,” Dhava offered, and Cullen nodded.

He led them out and up the stairs.

\- - -

“Are you _sure?”_

“Of course I’m not, but what other options do we have? This is our best option. At the very least, it’s better than sitting here waiting to die for the foreseeable future.”

“Dorian, we need something better than this.”

“Well, we’re not going to fucking get it! This is all we have. If you can get us into the room with him, I can do it.”

Nobody said anything for a moment. Dhava rubbed at her eyes and glanced over at Cullen, who looked even more tired than he did earlier if that were possible. “Fine. Then when?”

“As soon as possible. The longer we wait, the less the chance of it working.”

“That’s-”

“Tomorrow, then.” Dhava interrupted. “Bright and early. Everyone needs sleep, and if we want this to work then we need time to actually plan it rather than rushing in and getting killed.”

Cullen visible drooped. “You’re right. Dorian, tell me what you need to make this work and we’ll get it. Otherwise, we need to work on the specifics.”

They stood around the long dwarven table serving as the war table for hours, the remnants of the Inquisition’s army gathered around. Most were openly staring at the Herald of Andraste, returned from the dead. Dhava shifted under their gazes, reminded uncomfortably of the day she woke up in Haven to find the entire population gathered outside her door.

“We need to be done,” she said. “As soon as we’re within the walls, it’s going to go to shit anyway. Our ability to adapt is more important than a plan, and we can’t have that if we haven’t had any sleep.” She used her _first_ tone, the one that left no room for disagreement, and let the gathered soldiers mumble in approval. She turned and headed to the door, wanting to be alone.

As soon as she cleared the doorway, Dhava felt like the air had been knocked out of her. Now that she wasn't needed immediately by the masses she thought she might simply keel over, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

“Dhava-” Cullen came out just a moment later and she turned to him, tears in her eyes. “May we speak?”

She didn't have the energy to speak. She just nodded.

\- - -

Cullen led her back to a room more set off from the others, deeper into the cave walls. Dhava realized this must be where he slept. It looked just like the rest of the rooms except for the straw mattress tucked into a corner and the fact that it had a door. Cullen must have noticed her taking it in because he said, “They wouldn't allow me to sleep with them, said that as the Commander I should… You don't care about that. Look, Dhava-” he shook his head and looked away from her eyes. “I've been imagining for the last year about what I would say to you if I saw you again, and now I can't think of a single word.”

“Cullen,” she said, and he looked back up at her. “I can't tell you how sorry I am for all of this.”

“It's not your fault.”

“I- I know that, but I can’t help feeling it anyway. I still wish you didn't suffer like this.”

“I'm-”

“Please don't lie to me.”

He chuckled, then. “How is it that you can have known me for such a short time and yet know me so well?” Dhava didn't reply, and he sighed. “Part of it is- is the lyrium.”

Dhava squeezed her eyes shut. She hadn't even thought of that. Cullen reached out and touched her hand.

“Dhava, I know you’ll tell me if I cross a line, so I have to try. I’ve been in love with you since we first met, and didn’t realize it until you didn’t come back. I would ask to spend what will likely be my last night on earth with you.”

Dhava felt a tear run down her cheek, and Cullen brushed it away with a thumb. She opened her eyes.

“Alright.”

He smiled then, a broken thing, shining through with what she could now identify as love. His eyes crinkled up, and she wondered when the last time he smiled like this was. And she did this to him?

He leaned in slowly, giving her time to pull away. She closed the space between them herself. It was slow and tender and achingly _right,_ and if Dhava hadn’t already been crying she would have started. Cullen’s lips were perfectly soft and his tongue traced the seam of her lips. Dhava had the sudden thought that if she were to die right now, it would be just fine.

Then something changed, snapped between them, and it was no longer slow. Cullen surged forward and buried his hands in her hair. His tongue slipped into her mouth and she moaned slightly as she snaked an arm around his neck. His heat surrounded her and it was _perfect,_ but there were too many layers in the way. Dhava used her other hand to feel around his hips for the end of his shirt.

Cullen chuckled against her mouth and leaned back. Dhava made a sound of protest that stopped as she watched him pull his shirt over his head before leaning back in. Still kissing Dhava shrugged off her coat and let it drop behind her. She ran her hands over his newly exposed chest, reveling in the feel of the light dusting of hair. She drew kisses from the corner of his mouth to his jaw, loving the feel of his stubble against her cheek, and trailed down to his chest. When she reached a nipple she kissed it, laving her tongue over it until Cullen’s breath was catching beneath her, before moving down his stomach to the trail of hair disappearing beneath his pants.

Dhava sank to her knees, Cullen’s fingers still threaded through her hair, and unbuckled his belt. She could feel him watching her, could almost feel his heartbeat through her fingertips. When she finally freed his cock she looked up into his eyes and kept the contact as she leaned in and kissed it. Cullen let out a stuttering moan as she took him into her mouth, working her tongue around the tip before taking it deeper.

Dhava watched Cullen’s face turn red as she sucked his cock, his eyes fluttering shut and his breaths losing their rhythm. He stroked her hair as she worked, not pulling or holding it, almost like he was just making sure this was real, that she was still there. It was sweet. When Dhava thought she couldn’t take it anymore she pulled off his cock with a wet _pop_ and stood back up. She kissed Cullen once on the mouth, lingering, sure he could taste himself. Then she took a step back and pulled her tunic over her head, leaving her in her breast band and leggings.

The way his eyes trailed over her body was electrifying. The desire in his gaze, the longing, was simply too much to bear. Dhava gave him a nudge towards the bed, and he didn’t need to be told twice. Cullen pulled his pants down the rest of the way and backed up until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Dhava walked to him slowly, reveling in his gaze. When she reached him she stretched down to remove her leggings at an almost leisurely pace; the way his eyes tracked her movements was too good to waste.

She sat on his lap, straddling his waist, his dripping cock rubbing against her cunt. She gasped as they first made contact and Cullen positively _groaned,_ wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. He buried his face in her neck as she moved against him, kissing her shoulder desperately. Dhava unwound her breast band and threw it behind her. Cullen’s hands shifted from grasping at her back to her breasts, thumbs moving over her nipples until they hardened into peaks.

Dhava crushed their lips together again, exploring his mouth with her tongue. She ground her hips against him and moaned as her wet cunt rubbed against his cock. She couldn’t take any more. Dhava pushed Cullen onto his back and raised herself on her knees. One of his hands found hers against the sheets and grasped it tight as she lowered herself onto his cock. Cullen made a broken gasp at the contact, and his other trembling hand held onto her hair. Dhava lifted her hips and thrust deep, and the feeling of Cullen inside of her turned her insides to jelly. The heat in the pit of her stomach was overwhelming.

She did it again, and Cullen gasped her name over and over. “Dhava, Dhava, Dhava…”

She could have come from that alone. She kept up a steady pace, her cunt tightening around his cock. She reached down to rub her clit. She could feel Cullen’s heart pounding everywhere they were touching, their sweat mingling and their breath mixing. His chest was red all over and Dhava thanked the creators for the way Cullen’s skin showed his blush.

Her own breaths were becoming shorter, now, and her eyelids fluttered shut. With a last thrust Dhava’s orgasm hit her, and she gasped out loud. She felt herself tighten around Cullen and heard him moan and then he was coming too, his hold on her hand tightening and his mouth opening. She felt him come inside her and she drooped forward so she could kiss him on his adorable mouth.

An uncontrollable grin came over her and she buried it in his neck. Cullen’s arms snaked around her once again and she could feel him smile, too, in the way he shifted to kiss her hair. After a moment Dhava couldn’t hold it in any longer and just laughed, overwhelmed by her own happiness. Cullen nuzzled further into her hair.

“Oh, Cullen,” she sighed, giggling.

“I have something embarrassing to ask you.”

Dhava tried to be quiet. “What is it?”

“What’s your full name?”

At that Dhava erupted into howls of laughter, her eyes scrunched up tight. She could barely breathe, she was laughing so hard. She smothered her face deeper into Cullen’s shoulder.

“I’m serious!”

“I know you are, that’s what makes it funny!” He was starting to laugh now too, the embarrassment of the question fleeing at her response. When she calmed down enough to answer in a full sentence she said, “It’s Dhavasahngar.”

“Dhavasahngar,” he said wonderingly, still smiling. Dhava looked up at him through her displaced curls to see him gazing at her. There was a softness in his gaze that she’d never seen before and it made her heart flood with warmth. She knew then that she was in love with this man, would always be in love with him. That realization startled her a bit, but she refused to let it stop her happiness. Tomorrow either they would either both be dead or the world would be fixed. What did it matter if they forgot it all and were happy tonight?

“I love you too,” Dhava said softly. “Your elven accent is atrocious and your ridiculous hair is beautiful and I love you.”

Cullen’s arms tightened around her. “Dhava, I need you to know.” His hand reached up to cup her cheek, and she leaned into it. “You are the most important thing in the world to me. You have been since you first came into my life.” His thumb stroked her cheek. “If… _when_ you succeed tomorrow, and you must leave me behind… promise me that this won’t be for nothing.” His smile was gone now. “When you restore the world, and this night will only exist in your memory, promise me that you won’t forget it. Forget me.”

“Cullen. I could never forget you. I could live forever and always remember tonight in perfect detail. And when we succeed tomorrow, and the world is set to right, the first thing I will do is find you and kiss you.”

“Dhava, I can’t give you what you want. Without something like this to push me, I’m- I’ll always be too afraid to pursue my feelings for you. The person I was a year ago, he was troubled, and he will still be when you return to him.”

Dhava pushed their foreheads together. “What I want is _you_. I already wanted you, and tonight only set it in stone. I love you, and I want to be with you. I don’t care what version of you. If you die tomorrow, part of me will die with you. If you change, I will love who you’ll become. If you walk away, I will never stop loving you. Please know that.”

There were tears in his eyes when she finished. She kissed him once more, slow and sweet. “Dhava.” He didn’t seem to be able to say anything else. She kissed his cheek and rolled to the side so she was less on top of him. “We need to sleep, but I don’t want to miss a moment of the time we have left.”

“We have an eternity,” she said. She closed her eyes.

\- - -

Cullen woke Dhava in the morning. Her head was tucked under his chin and he was gently shaking her arm. “We have to get up, Dhava. It’s time.”

\- - -

Cassandra and Varric pulsed red with every heartbeat.

Leliana, dark veins showing through paper skin, slit Felix’s throat.

Cullen’s silence was deafening.

\- - -

The _crack_ of the great doors being smashed in made Dhava’s heart leap into her throat. Dorian grabbed her arm tight enough to bruise and yelled _if you move, we all die!_

Leliana loosed arrow after arrow, her quiet prayers barely carrying to Dhava’s ears over the din of battle. Cullen’s war cry was unbearable as he rushed into the fray, clanging attacks rebounding off his shield. It was a symphony of terror and Dhava could do nothing but listen as her friends desperately gave their lives for her.

She watched wide-eyed and shaking as Leliana finally fell, a scream building in her throat. Cullen kept fighting, sometimes felling multiple foes with single wide arcs. There was an arrow protruding from his shoulder, and Dhava felt a fist close around her insides as another buried itself in his thigh. As he recoiled from the hit a mace tore away his shield and Dhava watched as a sword surged forward until it hit home.

Cullen fell to his knees with an _ooph,_ his armor clanging against the stone floor. Blood spilt into a puddle beneath him as he tried to rise from his knees, holding his gut.

Dorian pulled her forward and she screamed as the sword drove again through his chest. It punched through him so hard it stuck out his back and Dhava watched him give a shudder before falling forward, driving it even further through.

Time froze when Cullen died. Dhava felt as though she were looking at a painting rendered in exquisite detail; the mud on his armor, the blood spraying from where the sword exited his back. Everything was still. All Dhava heard was a far-off echo, which she realized distantly was her own screaming, as Dorian pulled her away with all his strength.

Time sped up again the further Dhava was pulled from it. As she disappeared into the rift she saw the demon push Cullen off its sword with a foot. He slumped to the ground with a wet thud as the air turned green.

\- - -

\- - -

\- - -

Dhava looked up when she heard steps coming towards her.

“I thought I might find you here,” Dorian said.

Dhava looked back at her feet.

He sat next to her on the steps of the Redcliffe chantry. “I’m sorry about your Commander.”

“He’s not really dead,” Dhava managed. Her throat was tight. “He’s waiting back at Haven.”

“Felix isn’t dead either. But I still watched him die.”

Dhava squeezed her eyes shut. Was she being selfish? Dorian had watched his best friend murdered in front of him. She’d barely known Cullen more than a month. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Dhava. They’re okay, thanks to us. We did it.”

“It just doesn’t feel like it yet, is all.”

“I understand.” He waited a moment before continuing, his voice gentle. “They sent me to find you to let you know we’re ready to head back to Haven.”

“Can you give me a moment?” She looked up at him, a tear finally running down her cheek.

“Of course. Come find us when you’re ready.”

Dhava watched him walk back into the village before looking back at her feet.

_They’re okay, thanks to us._

They were.

Dhava pushed back her hair and stood up. She took one last look over the valley before following Dorian back to town.


End file.
